Wednesday, October 31, 2007

My favorite day of the year...


Me, 1979.

I was always a witch, always. My friends would be ballet dancers, a fairy princess or butterflies. I was a witch. I have witch in my blood.
Halloween has always been my favorite holiday. Most of my adult life I have had to work on Halloween so it was a mad rush to get home, carve the pumpkin and get ready for trick or treaters. Today hasn't been much different. Even though I am not working like I use to, I still worked today. I am making myself a promise - next year, I don't work on Halloween, I take my time carving and I dress up and scare the bahjeezes out of the little crumbsnatchers that come to my door. I promise.

Happy Halloween to all my ghoulfriends,
Jess

Posted by blisswarrior at 15:36:44 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |

Friday, October 26, 2007

Happy



I went. I was ignored and shunned but I was also embraced...embraced by a beautiful woman whos beautiful daughter made Homecoming Queen. I was proud to be standing beside such a kind spirit, taking pictures and talking about how we are finally getting football weather. 

I dreaded this event for so many days, worried about it, made myself sick over it. It wasn't easy, it wasn't even really fun but this picture says it all - I went for him and he is well worth it.

Happy, that is what we are and that is what I am grateful for tonight.
Posted by blisswarrior at 20:14:32 | Permanent Link | Comments (7) |

Thursday, October 25, 2007

when to exit

practice what you preach
if you are going to talk the talk, walk the walk
and so on...

I have a dilema. Do I tell the honest truth, do I say what I feel, what I know to be true, what everyone else knows but is afraid to speak? Or, do I say what will make everyone feel better, even though I know they know the truth, do I pretend, do I candy coat, do I dishonor all the work I have done for the past several months?

It isn't as easy as "always tell the truth", "the truth will set you free" -- telling the truth in this case could and probably would start another rocking of our world, separations, hurt feelings, anxiety, and emotions that need to be rambo'ed through. But is it my place to start the rocking? It is inevitable that I will be the target, I will be the one that will be blamed for any separation, the hurt feelings and the turmoil. Of course, we all really know that I am not the root of the problem, that is very evident. However, there are players that find it easy to blame the "outsider", instead of dealing with the real people that have perpetuated the angst. There are players that are too young to really comprehend the seriousness of the issue, but will only see surface and not understand my actions. I don't know if I can wait out the time it will take them to "get" what is really going on...5 years, 10 years, 20 years? I don't know if I can cope with them believing that I am the problem, I am the source of hurt, even though I know that someday, they will realize what has really taken place. There are also players that are just waiting for me to tell my truth. These players welcome the angst, a separation, an excuse to spew venemous words and energy into the world...again. My truth, will bring unpleasantness to those I love. My pretending, will prolong the wait of the inevitable eruption -- but at least then, I won't be blamed for being the match that lit the fire.

* I didnt go because I didnt feel like it mattered to her if I went or not. I didnt feel like a part of this event, I felt like an outsider...again. I am not included in the joy or the sorrow of her life, things are never shared with me, I am barely looked at or spoken to. The thought of being there made me anxious and uncomfortable and I am tired of feeling this way, tired of putting myself in those situations. I have tried, I have put my heart out there and it has been left all alone. I have extended my hand and no one has taken it. I know when I am not wanted, when I am not accepted and I know when to exit.

* I didnt go because I couldnt find anyone to cover my shift at work. I tried but no one was able to switch days with me. I am sorry, I really wanted to be there.

I have 24 hours to decide
Posted by blisswarrior at 10:50:03 | Permanent Link | Comments (1) |

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

visualize

The reason some of your thoughts remain invisible, Jessica, is simply because you haven't thought them enough.


Give me a "V"... "I"..."S"... you know the rest.


    The Universe


AMEN! A visualizing I will go! I know this, I believe this, I just don't practice it enough. I get bogged down with worry and forget that I can move mountains, yes I can!

What is your experience with visualizing and manifesting? I really want to know.

Posted by blisswarrior at 09:54:45 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |

Monday, October 22, 2007

I will go

I will go. I don't want to go but I will go. I don't feel like I have to go but I will go. I don't believe it matters if I go. I am going for him and no other reason. I will focus on him and how happy I am to be married to such a wonderful man. I will be thinking of after the game- dinner, snuggling, talking, loving. I will be thinking of the weekend, alone, just the two of us. I will look smashing. I will wear what makes me feel beautiful. I will wear my favorite perfume and expensive shoes. I will smile and hold my shoulders up. I will make a statement without saying a word. I will not lower myself by getting into an exchange of any kind - a look, a word, an acknowledgement. I will practice my breathing. I will ask for peace, calm and strength to get through the event. I will be okay.
Posted by blisswarrior at 02:50:07 | Permanent Link | Comments (3) |

Friday, October 19, 2007

go ahead...



share a banana split with your best friend, it's friday.

Posted by blisswarrior at 08:05:50 | Permanent Link | Comments (3) |

Thursday, October 18, 2007

listen

...one night there's a heartbeat at the door.

Outside, a woman in the fog, with hair of twigs and a dress of weed, driping green lake water.

She says, "I am you, and I have traveled a long distance. Come with me, there is something I must show you..."

She turns to go, her cloak fals open, Suddenly, golden light...everywhere, golden light...

"Woman Who Lives Under the Lake, " from C.P. Estes, Rowing Songs For The Night Journey; Contemporary Chants


When we have stayed too long, wept too long, put up with too much our energy fades, our hearts grow weary and we long for something. We become restless and irritable, nothing able to soothe us. We don't always know what that something is but our soul knows and she comes to find us, calling out to us, opening her arms to us, guiding us back to ourselves. At first we might feel as if we are walking blindly in the dark, hands and arms outstretched trying to find our way, taking small steps, inch by inch, afraid of falling.
If we are patient and continue to follow our souls voice, we will find ourselves again, we will be able to let go of all that caged us and we will be able to once again, live for ourselves.

Posted by blisswarrior at 10:30:10 | Permanent Link | Comments (3) |

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

retrograde, crapograde

Mercury is in retrograde from Oct 12- Nov 1. This is not always the smoothest of rides.
When Mercury is in retrograde delays are inevitable, communication is tampered with and travel can be hectic.
If you normally takes you 30 minutes to get somewhere, it will most probably take you 45 minutes or an hour. If you aren't getting a response from someone you left a message with, via email/voicemail/postal mail, try again because it is likely they didn't receive it. If you normally leave an hour early to get to the airport, leave earlier, something will slow you down. Do the best you can to make sure your luggage is going where you are going.
This is not the most favorable time to sign contracts of any kind either - you could forget to read the fine print, forget to add or omit language to a document that you feel is important, documents could be dated wrong or misspellings could occur and you might have to resign.
Some people might say, "sure, this could happen anytime." Yes, it could and it does. However, it is more prevalent during Mercury in retrograde. This is not to say stop living life or become paranoid during this time that something is going to go wrong.
The rule of thumb is...check, double check and triple check.
Posted by blisswarrior at 15:05:10 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

listening...

I am seriously considering going gluten-free.
I have been listening to my body and it is telling me something.
"Eat smarter, eat cleaner, exercise, smile."
I will need to research this new gluten-free world, I will need to actually cook and I will need to introduce the idea to the family.
Exercising starts tomorrow.
This is going to be good.

Posted by blisswarrior at 10:29:02 | Permanent Link | Comments (5) |

Monday, October 15, 2007

answers in the strangest places

"it occurred to me that beneath it all,
i felt better for having taken the higher road.

and for knowing i can be comfortable in my own skin for having done so.

i cannot spend time on that which takes
away from the love in my life.

at the end of the day, i still know in my heart
what really matters."

From the very wise www.jengray.com

For some reason I have never been able to comment on her blog so I wasnt sure how to ask her if I could use this golden nugget of wisdom that resonated so strongly with me. I truly hope she doesn't mind.

I was up early this morning. Actually, I never went to bed. I can't put my finger on exactly why I didn't sleep, I just know it was miserable - wanting desperately to fall asleep and dream, trying to get comfortable. When the alarm went off this morning for Pete to get up, I decided to start the day as well. I felt like writing, I felt like reading poetry and sipping my chai tea, listening to the rain and thunder that had showered down upon us for the last several hours. I believed I would find the perfect poem to post and write a little something about. After over two hours, I had nothing. Nothing grabbed me, nothing inspired me. So, I let it go and said out loud "maybe I am not suppose to post today." I then crawled into our oh-so-big-soft-cozy bed and fell asleep for about an hour. I decided to try one more time, but first I would go through my daily blogs and see what my cyber friends had to say on this Monday morning. Then I found it on Jen Gray's site. Her words are exactly what my soul, my spirit, my guides and my body have been telling me for quite a long time. This is why I didn't sleep last night. There it was, the answer, on someone else's blog. It confirmed that I have been doing what I should, wasting time on what I shouldn't and knowing deep down what matters most in my life. Thank you Universe for directing me to this answer and thank you Jen Gray for being that channel.

Posted by blisswarrior at 12:58:27 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |
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