Thursday, November 29, 2007

me, being ugly

I have kept myself from posting because I havent been in a very positive place. I try hard to keep my blog positive, or realitively positive. I try to encourage, nurture, love and only spread sprinkles of kindness. I believe that mean, hateful, venemous letters only poison this universe with negative energy and that would never be my intention.
On the other hand, this blog is about me, my life, my ups and downs, the good and the bad. Sometimes I just cant take another blow. I cant fake another smile. I cant pretend something wasnt done on purpose. My cup runnith over with crap from meanies and I have to just let it out. You can push a Pisces woman just so far, then you better run like hell.
So, all you sweet kind souls...stop reading, cover your eyes, navigate away from blisswarrior because she about to become bitchwarrior. I apologize in advance. If my grandmother were alive and read this she would say, "Jessica, you are being ugly"... and she would be right.

Open letter to the troll:
I am sure you are rubbing your ugly, grimey, little, wee hands together in delight right now. I am sure you are relishing in your attempt to rattle cages, upset sweet spirits and manipulate the innocent. You are pathetic. Your antics are childish and so unbecoming of a middle aged hunched back troll. Karma is taking its sweet time in kicking you in the ass but your time is coming. I take pity on the innocent people that will be around you when your time is up...you, walking around in some discount dept. store where the cheap clothes dyes burn people's nose hairs, suddenly you spontaniously combust and bits and pieces of evil are scattered all over. Short term gain honey, that is all you have.
Back off bitch, get a life of your own and stop trying to steal a piece of mine.
Posted by blisswarrior at 00:02:22 | Permanent Link | Comments (4) |

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

people you meet along the way...

never, ever would I have thought that I would have a blog.
never, ever would I have thought I would connect with such incredibly beautiful women across the country.
never, ever would I have allowed myself to be so honest with "strangers".
never, ever would I have exposed myself in a way that could be met with rejection or ridicule.
never, ever would I have admitted some of the things I have admitted to my new found friends.
never, ever would I have believed that other women feel and go through the EXACT same thing.

never, ever will I take for granted the women I have met on this journey or the loving arms they wrap me in when I need it most.

thank you for allowing me in and sharing your hearts. it is my honor to call you friends.

Posted by blisswarrior at 20:56:45 | Permanent Link | Comments (3) |

Monday, November 19, 2007

i.heart.surlatable

this weekend I did some shopping, something that always makes me feel better.
one of my favorite places to browse is sur la table

these are a few of the things I picked up...complete coolness

a frother

a scoop for our famous candy dish, actually ours is the smaller size

a French egg poacher thingy, because my husband makes the best eggs benedict in the universe
Posted by blisswarrior at 08:49:56 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |

Friday, November 16, 2007

sad...and tired...


sad and tired.
tired of being what I am "suppose" to be.
sad from thinking about not realizing a dream, a need.
tired from thinking about "what ifs".
sad from feeling selfish.
tired of it not being about me.
sad from having feelings that it should be about me.
tired of feeling out of place.
sad because I know I AM out of place.
tired of waiting.
sad and tired on this beautiful friday afternoon in november.

Posted by blisswarrior at 15:11:46 | Permanent Link | Comments (3) |

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

cherries jubilee...please

 
picture from http://whatscookingamerica.net/Fruit/CherriesWine.htm


The choice is always simple enough, Jessica, clear your plate if you want dessert.
From the kitchen,
    The Universe

This message resonates with me right now. Clear your plate if you want dessert. I dont actually like this phrase - growing up I wasnt forced to clear my plate; I was asked to take two more bites of broccoli or two more bites of green beans, but never told to clear my plate. However, I get what the Universe is saying...get rid of the garbage you are carrying around in your knapsack so that I can fill it with blesssings. Forgive, let go, be compassionate. Start blessing those you take issue with instead of adding to negative energy already surrounding them...
So, today I will continue to work on forgiving, letting go and showing a little more compassion. I will bless those I have a hard time loving, by saying their name in a spirit of love, sending angels their way to help them through their day and I will meditate for them. I will center myself and visualize them in a pink heart with a smile on their face and loving energy pouring into their very being. 

Oh, Universe... for dessert, I want cherries jubilee.
Thanks, Me
Posted by blisswarrior at 08:12:40 | Permanent Link | Comments (1) |

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

panic at 6:30 a.m.

pete: uh, Jessica...what time do you have to work today?
me: why?
pete: uh, Bama's face is really swollen and I think she might need to go to the vet."
me: (seeing my precious dog's face swollen three times its normal size) omg, I gotta go, I gotta go, NOW!

crying, praying, crying, telling Alabama "youre okay baby, youre going to be okay", driving 70 in a 45 with my hazards on, I drove my dog to the emergency clinic. I am sure I looked worse than she did when we arrived...I was in my tshirt, pj pants, flip flogs, old eyemakeup running down my face, dirty hair piled on top of my head with mix matched clips and glorious morning breath. I knew they would be able to help her but my fear was that the swelling would cause her throat to close up and she wouldnt be able to breathe.    
they informed me that she was having an allergic reaction to a bug bite or sting AND that they close at 8 and I would need to take her to my usual vet for observation for the rest of the day. I took her to my vet, went home to shower and compose myself, went to work and couldnt think of anything else the entire day. when I went to pick her up the tech said, "gosh, you look a lot different than you did this morning!" (those "young adults", you can hardly live with them and you cant slap the shit out of them or you go to jail.)
the day is over and she is fine. still a little swollen but she is liking the treat of "cheese". little does she know that benadryl is hidden in the middle *smile*
things I learned today: what really matters in life are the people and *pets that touch your heart in ways you never knew they could, angels can help you hit every green light when you need them, and I look really really bad in the morning.

Posted by blisswarrior at 20:39:12 | Permanent Link | Comments (3) |

Monday, November 12, 2007

anxious...

a lot of anxious energy and I dont know where it is coming from and I dont know what to do with it. so much of it that my heart beats faster when I try to focus in on it. I dont want to feed it and manifest something worse, but I cannot shake it. in these times, I feel as if my blessing is sometimes a curse. I sometimes feel weighed down with emotions, not just my emotions but those I feel from others. I want to stand under a waterfall and wash away all the "stuff" that I've picked up lately. either wash it away, of go full force with it. full force scares the crap out of me.
Posted by blisswarrior at 14:56:41 | Permanent Link | Comments (4) |

Thursday, November 08, 2007

happy birthday bird!



33 years ago today, my best friend (for 18 years), was born. Julie is an amazing person - her warmth and goodness ooze out of her every pore.
we have laughed, cryed, yelled and screamed together and at eachother. we have celebrated, been there when words were not necessary and dreamed together. we have stayed on the phone for hours analyzing boys and then later in life, men. we have shared our fears, hopes and desires. we have pumped eachother up and we have been brutally honest with eachother. we have come together and we have separated. we have history. we have shared our lives, the good, the bad and the ugly. we have grown up together - from the big haired highschool girls to the women we are today. we know eachother, we know where we come from and what we've been through. we know we still have an amazing journey ahead of us and we look forward to sharing it with eachother.
today, as we ate birthday lunch, talked about everything under the sun nonstop and I looked at that incredible *sparkle* in her big blue eyes, I said to myself in my mind, "thank you, thank you for blessing me with the best friend in the world."

and yes, I call her bird and she calls me jake, but that story is for another post, another day*smile*
Posted by blisswarrior at 19:37:05 | Permanent Link | Comments (1) |

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

a chef's wisdom


the best times are when it is impossible to by cynical. when you find yourself letting go of the past and your preconceptions, feeling yourself and your basic nature; the snarkiness and suspicion, the irony and doubt disappear at least for a time. when for a few moments or a few hours you change. sometimes something in you needs to be kicked loose from its shell and through the gile of persistance, a firm belief in something as fundamental as your country or family and their inherent goodness, someone pulls you out of yourself - Anthony Bourdain

I know these times and I want more of them.

Posted by blisswarrior at 13:45:01 | Permanent Link | Comments (1) |

gritty...

one definition Webster came up with for the word gritty is as follows: having strong qualities of uncompromising realism.


as Pete and I ran errands last weekend we jammed to Kid Rock's new CD, Rock N Roll Jesus. as we talked about how simple, honest and real the lyrics were, Pete described this cd as gritty. gritty. he was so right.

my life right now is gritty. I am in a gritty stage. I am all about being real, my soul won't allow me to be any other way. my feelings aren't hidden, my smiles are never fake and my capacity for compassion is growing, slowly, but it is growing. I say what I feel, I do what I know to be right and I am living life, my life. I am not afraid.

I wear what I want, I do my hair the way it feels best at the moment and I dont worry about what anyone is going to think. I am embracing those that are different than myself and learning that they have so much coolness to teach me. I am standing up for myself and my truths.

gritty. me.

Posted by blisswarrior at 00:36:36 | Permanent Link | Comments (3) |
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