I am off to a resort in the hillcountry with my hubby...a delightful surprise from a delicious man!
I hope everyone is able to feel this kind of love and closeness to their husbands. It is the most wonderful feeling, like we are in our own little world. I am blessed.
It has been a problem for a long time. I seem to have grand delusions of people wanting to treat me the way I treat them. Delusions of people being as polite, respectful and thoughtful as I am to them.
Recently, I have been working really hard to have an open heart, stop being afraid of what someone might think, stop being afraid of being hurt. I came to the realization that by closing my heart to new relationships I could be blocking some serious blessings, for myself and for those that are knocking at my hearts door.
Knowing I could be hurt and disappointed, I revamped my expectaions. I give of myself without expecting anything in return - not even a thank you, a smile or any form of acknowledgement. It has been one of the best decisions I have made. Sure, there have been a few people in the past few months that through their action or really more like their inaction, have made me question putting myself out there, opening my heart. Dismissing this feeling as fast as it occurs has kept me wanting to continue to give of myself.
Sometimes people are dealing with so much muck and are in it so thick that the one ounce of energy it might take to smile or write or acknowledge may just send them over the edge. I acknowledge this and I understand it.
I will refuel my hearts engine and take a chance again but for now, I will stay within the confines of my cozy tribe of love - my family, few close friends (Bird especially, you know who you are) and a new friend that has warmed my heart.
A juicy, hot mama, cyber friend, Andrea, has a cool, scrumptious and very environmentally creative hubby named Matt. He is super siked about this project and it has taken off world wide and is gangbuster successful. Check out this website and see what you can do to improve your local community! You can also see the video trailer of last years event.
The goal of PARK(ing) Day is to:
1) inspire people to reconsider the way our streets are used;
2) generate meaningful dialog regarding the planning principles that continue to unsustainably privilege the automobile above other uses of public space,
3) and to put a big smile on your face!
Folks, it looks like San Francisco is still way cooler and still way ahead of us. It seems like that state breeds people with big visions of the coolest things to help make the world more beautiful. I want to move. Now.
the other night as I sat in our living room listening to 3 teenagers bicker, laugh, fight, my husband interject half heartedly and some of my own thoughts I decided to just accept it...this is my little family. no matter how fucked up, overly sensitive and no matter how many issues each of us need to work on, this is US. it dawned on me that I have been looking at it the wrong way. instead of seeing what needs to be fixed, I should be seeing all that I have in these people. all of them have so many great qualities, so many things I admire. there is a time to fix things and a time to allow things to happen...right now, for me, this is a time for me to allow things to happen. no more trying to control, trying to fix. I have let go.
our computer is wacked.
back in a few.
Me
Just finished Life's Golden Ticket, by Brendon Burchard. A really good read, inspiring, gets your imaginative juices flowing, encourages one to take a look at events in life that have impacted where you are now and why you aren't where you really want to be. I suggest it.
My dear fellow Pisces angel friend suggested another good read, Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer. I will be checking it out this weekend.
Speaking of the weekend, I am going at it full blast. I am going to make the most of it. I am going to relish in the joy of Saturday and Sunday. I am going to feel the hot hot sun, bathe the dogs and embrace this gift I have been given- Life as we know it.
Happy weekend and thank you to all of you that comment here, I cannot express how good it makes me feel when you validate my feelings, whether you agree or not. Just by typing a few words, you are extending pure joy to the universe and I am soaking it up!
I don't do death. I don't think about it, read about it, watch movies about it, talk about it, nada, no way. I have always been this way. I can't remember a time when I wasn't afraid of someone close to me dying. I am not afraid of dying, but I am afraid of the loss of those so dear to my heart. I don't understand death. I don't welcome it. I don't think I would like it if I saw it. I don't think it would be a pretty color and I don't think it would smell very nice.
I know it is inevitable so I just forget about it. It will happen but I don't have to acknowledge it now! I know this will catch up with me but I will deal with it then. That is so not me. I am the type of person that deals with everything now. I get it done. Not death. I will push it as far back into the closet of my mind as I can. I wouldn't even be writing about the surly devil except that a special person is dealing with the loss of a loved one. Not only is she dealing with an unexpected death, she is also dealing with the anniversary of another loss several years ago. There is nothing really right to say, to do, except to acknowledge someones pain and let them know you care.
Robert Frost speaks to me and soothes me and has since I was a wee one. His poem, Nothing Gold Can Stay, speaks to me about death and loss. I believe that once a loved one is gone, we are able to see them again, see them in nature, in the beauty of the earth, in our finest hours.
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
McCabe, I acknowledge your pain and I care deeply.
grass after a summer rain, my favorite m&m, mom's eyes, easter grass, crayon, healthy yummy veggies, funky stinky mold, a pair of cowboy boots from a few christmas' ago, spring, sprinklers, lime popsickles, money, naive, mint chocolate chip icecream, my favorite jacket, that monster, grasshoppers, colored coconut made to look like grass, frogs, shamrocks, apples, leprechans, martians, young, go!, environment, rainforests, parks, soccer games, limes, kermit, organic, magical forest, kiwi, fuzzy socks, a new bowl I bought, emeralds, margaritas, tea, juicy martini olives, paint, a pirate's parrot, Ireland, a skirt I haven't worn, eyeshadow, friday
