bliss warrior

Lately I have been craving words.

I have devoured so many books in so little time.

There are times that I read the dictionary for fun.

I keep a dictionary with me at almost all times, especially when I am reading a new book.

Merriam Webster's website offers a daily email of a new word. (see below)

I signed up over a year ago.

A folder in my inbox labled "words" is overflowing.

The local community college offers a class on broadening your vocabulary.

I am seriously considering taking it.

Seriously.

I am addicted to NPR.

Today, I listened to an interview with an author about her new book and was so intrigued I called the library and had them hold the book for me.

I am also a library groupie. I go a lot. To see the new books. To see the old books.

Addicted to words.

Lucullan   loo-KULL-un   adjective

          : lavish, luxurious

Example sentence:

          The banquet guests were treated to a Lucullan feast in the

 royal dining room.

Did you know?

          "Lucullan" echoes the name of Roman general Lucius Licinius

 Lucullus. The general had a distinguished military career (including the

 defeat of Mithradates VI Eupator, king of Pontus , at Cabira in 72

 B.C.), but he is best remembered for the splendor of his opulent

 retirement. Lucullus established a reputation for magnificent banquets, at which

 he wined and dined the leading poets, artists, and philosophers of his

 time. His feasts were sufficiently extravagant to establish a lasting

 place for his name as a synonym of "lavish" in the English lexicon.

how might your life have been different,  if when you were a young woman, the first time you felt feelings of depression, an older woman had come to sit with you? if she had come to sit with you, as someone had come to sit with her the first time she had feelings of depression? to simply sit, quietly, perhaps wordlessly- to sit with you, during your dark time...

and how might your life have been different if the woman had accepted your feelings of depression? had accepted them so completely and fully that you began to feel safe with them. if there had been no judgement and no questioning...no attempt to make you smile, to betray your feelings, to deny your darkness...

if the woman had simply sat in silence with you, with your pain, and in the darkest moments had been able to reflect it to you...to reflect to you your pain...to witness...attend...and by her quiet respect for it to help you learn to respect it...your own pain and depression...to witness, attend and respect our depression...and to see that just as the woman had faith in it, you also might have a glimmer of faith that there was meaning and truth in your darkness...

how might your life have been different?

from, Circle of Stones

I have learned a lot from my depression, my anxiety, my fear, my joy, my highs, my light...
the waves of emotion that come and go, some I like, some I try to resist, allow me to uncover my attachements. attachements that are not needed and only cause me pain.
attachements to things, cause me to want. when I obtain these things, I still want. it doesnt fill me up.
my attachement to people, cause me to fear the loss of them or pain when they leave, by choice or death.

being present, being right here, right now has showed me the way to bliss, a little bit of bliss every single day.
I do not allow myself to worry about what I dont have or if I will be without my loved ones...I enjoy them in the present, I cherish their every breath, each smile or tear or story they share with me.

being present with my joy intensifies the feeling and feel all the lighter
being present with my fears, my depression, my anxiety...give me the gift of uncovering what lies beneath, what I need to allow to surface.
sometimes, it is nothing at all. "show me your face fear!" "show me your face anxiety!" so many times there isnt a face to see...it turns out to be nothing but a ghost. if it cant show me its face, it is dismissed and do not allow the ghost to rob me of joy or time
sometimes, it has a face. it is the face of a past hurt or action that has been pushed back and covered up. I only see this face when I allow myself the time to sit with it, embrace it and listen to what has to say.