it's time...
it's time for some big love
and it is for me
it isn't something that you "get"
until
you are about to step off into Alice's wirly twirly black hole
it's like spinning madly, around and around
not being able to stop
knowing you need to stop
being afraid to stop
the unceasing worry
unable to just breathe
not able to quiet my own voice
feeling personally wounded by even the smallest of minds
it is easy for me to console others
to see their beauty
I have a talent for spotting loveliness
in people
in situations
those that would otherwise
be ignored
picked over
left behind
deemed peculiar
these are some of my favorite gems that the universe bestows upon us
but when I look inside
and see all of the red
a cocktail of hurt, anger, insecurities
so many unanswered questions
a big white elephant, other people's elephant
it brings me to my knees
it isn't easy
it is scary
to ask for help, to ask for someone to listen
to your fucked up, neurotic going ons
it is 100% scary
fearful of accepting the help
pill form
speak form
whatever it may turn out to be
but here I am
and I need a little help
to take the edge off
to allow my shoulders to move away from my ears
so, friday is the day
to talk to my friend
with the watery blue eyes
kind smile and warm hands
that doesn't speak until I am finished
that looks me in the eye
never judges, never rushes me
listens to what I am saying
and what I am not saying
